Capital ideas from an awesome magazine

just read my latest Newsweek magazine. the December issues tend to have a lot of interesting recaps of the year. i have about Twenty Eight issues now and nearly every issue has been as enlightening as it is entertaining. one of the things i've learnt to enjoy is flipping through each Page while having a meal and reading the photo captions. most of them are thought provoking =p

the issue i just read has obituary with more than Twenty Six people who have had great influence on the world. i'm secretly wondering if i'll ever make it there haha. Top film makers james cameron and peter jackson had a conversation on the movie industry, and what they said just Left me in a daze -.- amazing people

Warning Signs

1. Frequent sighing
2. Emo-ness
3. Lack of appetite
4. Incessant dwelling on convoluted thoughts
5. Constant staring at nothing in particular
6. Inevitably symbolic dreams
7. Assuming that at indefinite intervals, none of the above occur - Occasional, vitalizing Creative Empowerment

Merry Christmas Eve everyone!

Jaded

Frankly, it seems like this happens every year.

Extremely annoying >.< I've learnt that thinking about what I'm feeling is the best way to screw myself.

Luckily this time round I am perhaps protected by the shades of disappointment and resignation. If I decide to do anything, I'll remember what the last escapade got me into.

I'll have to admit though, I do miss the creative empowerment XD

Life-Changing Experience

CAUTION: This post is not as inspiring as the title suggests

Jack randomly wanted to go over to his cousin's place to have a go on the PS3 after choir today. He invited me to tag along but I wanted to head to Camden Hospital for the Pharmaplus Christmas Charity Fair which our fellow Choir member Natalie was volunteering at. We spent a good deal of money (nice to put my scholarship money to good use) and time chatting with Nat there. After that, we headed over to his cousin's place.

There it was, right in front of me, the PS3. So sleek. So tempting. I just sat in front of it and stared for a while.

"Help me switch it on"

"But I don't see any button"

"Just touch the power symbol there"

"Whoa, touch-sensitive. Oooo...."

I continued to stare at the device in awe. I even placed my hand on the PS3 to convince myself it was actually happening.

Then, of all games we could play, we had to play Arkham Asylum. Seamless gameplay, excellent theme, beautiful graphics, powerful atmosphere all rolled into one. It ruined almost every other game I've played before. No other game has ever made me feel so powerful.

Alas, my slice of heaven was short-lived as I had to shoot off for the ACJC Guitar Ensemble's charity concert I bought tickets for a while back.

Now I'm sitting here wondering what else can quench this insatiable desire.

Life is just not quite the same any more

Life Without Maid Day 4

Kak went back to Indonesia on Monday. Permanently. She was with us for nearly 13 years. Hard to believe she's finally gone. Every time I pass what used to be her room I can almost hear her favourite K-pop playing on her phone. Everything is alright so far. She went away on a month's vacation back in 2006 and I basically had to hold the fort the last time, plus we had a much bigger house then. If we managed then, I'm sure we'll managed now. At least Mom isn't working any more.

So far delegation of household chores is on a flexible basis. Shuan being Shuan drafted a list of things that need to be done and how often they need to be done. It makes things look easier by putting everything on paper. As long as we all strive to be tidier, cleaning will be much easier. Kudos to Shuan for being the neatest. I tend to "organise" my stuff all over the place and in a horizontal manner (I detest stacking things) but at least every now and then I decide to tidy up my junk to de-stress (I have weird habits). I can't say the same for the remaining two brothers. One gets upset when told to clean up his stuff, especially when instructed to do so when he's hooked on Damnable DotA. The other is somehow oblivious/immune to all instructions related to tidying up his stuff.

The thing I miss most about Kak is her preparing breakfast on mornings where I have to go to school. I have a habit of snoozing for half an hour so by the time I wake up I have no time to prepare my own breakfast. Kak used to cut fruits, brew Milo and prepare sandwiches (I had no time to sit down and eat either). I'll probably have to do all of that the night before, since Mom needs her rest.

The more I do chores the more I realize how much of a clean freak I can be. It's almost scary. Dishes must always be squeaky clean and I rub every dish I wash to check. I learn little things about myself like that the more I do chores. Being a clean freak or neat freak are two separate matters altogether though.

I imagine it will be horribly hectic balancing school work with household chores when the school term starts, so on that note, I have sadly declined the offer to take up H3 Economy & Space at NUS next year. I already maxed out my credits, and as much as I'm interested in expanding my field of knowledge, it's more strategic to ace everything with fewer credits than cover more credits with mediocrity. I've already practically sacrificed my comic strip in the name of academic pursuits, I'm not sure what else I have left to sacrifice, so I should just stick to what I already have. My H3 Music research paper is already proving to be a pain anyway.

Maybe I should go practice on the piano now.

Uh

One of those stupid moments where I was sure I had something I wanted to post here earlier but I forgot what it was now. This is yet another lame attempt to update this Blog XD

I'm still crazy over Dad's pancake lens.

Grandpa, Departed

Grandpa passed away of a heart attack on Friday. I was pulled out of a school camp and rushed to KL within 24 hours.

I wasn't very close to him, for many reasons. Mostly, it was because Grandpa was a very quiet man. He didn't talk much, but he did have ways to express his love. When I was a child, he would buy me toy guns (which my parents never did for me for obvious reasons) and an assortment of other kinds of toys. We would often spend nights at his place when my parents were away. He maintained a small swimming pool which I have fond memories of, and always had a dog for us to play with.

Sadly, I can only recall two experiences when he opened up to me. The first was when I was thirteen. I was working at Dad's office and had to go over to Grandpa's office to fetch something. He invited me to his office to lend me a tie, even sharing some stories of his past. I remember sitting in front of him at his desk as he recounted his motorcycle accident long in the past. The second time I can remember him opening up was last year when I interviewed him to begin chronicling his life as part of my personal family genealogy project. He shared many things, even some dark moments in his life which he injected some humour into. He was an avid artist in his youth, although he used that talent more to obtain a scholarship to Europe more than to build a career. Trained as a land surveyor, he earned enough to ensure all of his five sons attended universities. He was a firm believer in education, and was an epitome of creatures of habit. There is much that I admire in him, although there are important lessons to learn from his many mistakes as well.

When I arrived at the wake and walked over to his coffin. I was suddenly overwhelmed and broke into tears. I could not understand it at that time. I guess it was just knowing that I would no longer be able to see him in this life. It's easy to remember my belief in life after death, but grieving for a temporary loss is inevitable. It was weird seeing his glasses placed on top of the coffin. Seeing the glasses that defined him made it worse for me. But eventually once I began to talk to a close nephew, the rest of the wake and funeral turned into a family reunion, which was nice. One of my cousins will be getting married in a few months. That would be a much nicer reason for another family reunion.

On the day of the cremation Dad needed a photographer for his camera, so I happily volunteered. His pancake lens was the BOMB. All I needed was a decent sense of composition and the camera (lens) worked wonders for portrait shots. Wielding that much power in my hands and ogling at it was just so... wrong... for a funeral. At any rate I was quite pleased with some of the shots. Not sure when Dad will upload them at the family blog. My first experience with erm, funeral photography. Believe me, it's no fun sticking a camera at crying faces, especially when your own tears are clouding your vision. But in the name of chronicling events photographically, I believe it was an honourable endeavor.

Thanks for everything, Grandpa.

Get a Life - Get a Holiday!

So the exams are over except for maybe PW Oral Presentation, but other than that school is beginning to slow down. I've got big plans for the holidays apart from Choir, number one being my plan to sign up for some preferably long-term community service project. I'm currently interested in a program where I can help students in their studies. I guess I kind of miss being in Barker that way. I don't remember a day when nobody asked me for help with something.

There's something that's been bugging me recently. It will probably irritate most people who read this, but it's something I need to get off my chest.

First off, I shall explain how our subject combination works for GCE A Levels. There are 3 levels (so to speak) of each subject - Higher 1, Higher 2, and Higher 3. H1 and H2 subjects are the common levels everyone takes in varying combinations. H3 papers are only for those who are supposedly academically sound and would like to deepen their learning and understanding of a particular subject. In a way, H3s are the equivalent to the S Papers in the past.

Typically, a Junior College student would take, as his four "core" subjects, 3H2s and 1H1. Latest MOE regulations also requires one of these subjects to be of a contrasting discipline. For example, a typical Science student's combination would be H2 Physics, H2 Chemistry, H2 Mathematics, and H1 Economics (Econs being his contrasting subject). On top of this, most students would also take their General Paper, which counts as a H1 paper. There is also the requirement to take H1 Mother Tongue (unless a student has acheived a sufficient grade in O Level Higher Mother Tongue examinations). Thanks to a rather bright MOE employee, we also now enjoy the benefits of compulsory Project Work, yet another H1 subject. As a result, a typical JC student would be taking 4H1s and 3H2s.

However, students who did well for GCE O Levels can choose to take 4H2s instead of 3H2s+1H1 for their core subjects. Students often choose to do so to improve their chances of obtaining future scholarship (especially the prestigious PSC scholarship). I'm a bit more insane. I chose to take 4 H2s just so that I could learn as much as possible.

As a result, I now take, for my H1s, GP, PW and Chinese, and for my H2s, Geography, Economics, Maths, and Music (Maths being my contrasting subject). In addition, I am required to take Music H3 (which is a research paper) as a result of my MOE Music Elective Scholarship.

This is the credits system has become a pain. Each subject is worth a number of credits. H1s are worth 1 credit, while H2s are worth 2 credits. Each student is normally allowed to take up to a maximum of 12 credits. Going back to the previous example of the typical JC student, he would be taking 4H1s (worth 4 credits in total) and 3H2s (worth 6 credits in total), adding to a total of 10 credits, well within the limit. Let's say he does well and he decides to take H3 Maths. 1 credit is then added to his H2 Maths credits, increasing it from 2 to 3. Hence, he would now have 11 credits, still within his means.

For my case, I take 3H1s and 4H2s. Therefore, I am already at 11 credits. By taking H3 Music, I will max out my credits at 12. Why is this a pain? Because I am interested in taking up one of the external H3s. I applied for NUS Geopolitics (considered a Geography/History H3), NUS Economy & Space (considered a Geography H3) and SMU Game Theory (considered an Economics H3 though in a very mathematical approach), with the intention/hope of taking one of the three. Unfortunately, since I'm already taking Music H3, I have maxed out my credits. I can't drop my H3 Music because my scholarship requires me to take it, and I will definitely not forfeit my scholarship (my school fees, which MOE now covers, are insane), so basically, I won't be able to take any of the external H3s. I heard that there have been special cases where people have applied to take 13 credits, but these people are all exceptionally gifted academically and I don't think I belong to that calibre. Furthermore, I have the school Choir responsibilities to attend to, and it will be very unfair to them next year if I neglect my duties for the sake of my own academic pursuits.

The irony of the situation is that by doing well in school previously and obtaining the scholarship, I am now prevented from pursuing my own interests (those external H3s I listed above all have something to do with my possible future careers). It kinda hurts, but if I complain, I think a lot of people will want to strangle me.

If I Could Write Music Like Shostakovich

I'd have written my own Symphony No.5 Largo by now.

One Thing At A Time

I broke down during my Chinese consultation session today. Not the first time I've been overwhelmed by the stress I've allowed to burden myself, but probably the first time I cracked in school.

The worst thing about what stress does to me is it convolutes my thoughts, tints my judgement, and eventually renders me incapable of doing anything productive. The effects intensify when I'm rushed, and that has been happening a bit too often recently. There will always be one deadline after another, and each time I fail to meet one, the pressure to meet the next builds up, causing me to fail it, perpetuating the problem. I spent hours last night simply stressing out because I had failed to meet two deadlines, both of which were delayed on my account, while a third had been added. I was literally stunned by the situation and I couldn't concentrate on anything I attempted to do. My temper is wearing thin and it's probably due to my own disappointment in myself.

Laoshi expressed her concern during the consultation today. She has been noticing warning signs in my work recently. My command of the language has become shakier and more inconsistent with each exercise, and seeing this, she immediately knew that I must be overworked and mentally exhausted. She urged me to learn how to let go of my burdens and just deal with the tasks at hand. To me, it's like those moments just at the start of exam papers where you've come to terms with the fact that there's no way you can do any extra studying and all that is left is to do the paper. Forget what you're hoping to achieve for now, for your hopes may very well become your burden. That was the golden advice she shared, which I deeply appreciate along with her support and encouragement. Thanks, Laoshi.

"Forget yourself and go to work," said President Hinckley's father. True, but don't forget your sanity.